I'm not sure how to deal with some of the comments my mother in law makes about my 15 month old daughter. Comments like "We never had our kids eating real food at 15 months" and "Our kids never used spoons and fed themselves at her age" My daughter is smart, but just as smart as so many kids her age. When my husband hears the comments he thinks we're making our daughter 'grow up too fast'. But we're not, we're just taking the cues from the baby. Should I just ignore the comments or say something? I feel like I'm being made to feel bad for having a normal child. 
 
This is a tough one. It’s hard enough to deal with unwanted comments from your own parents, but it is an even more difficult dynamic when it is your mother-in-law. Some grandparents have a hard time with boundaries and find it challenging to watch their children parent. Others know exactly what to say, when to say it, and when not to. Every generation does things differently and that can be a recipe for tension in many families.

Grandparents are wonderful, and can add an important perspective as they have already raised children to adulthood, but remember you are the mother. This is your daughter and you and your husband have the important job of raising her in the way you believe to be best. If you are following your daughter’s developmental cues and letting her explore and make all these wonderful discoveries on her own without being unnecessarily pushed, then don’t worry.

I don’t know the history - as in how well your mother in law takes things, or how well your husband will support you--but I do think if you are really bothered by these comments, you should speak up. It would be ideal if you and your husband could express this to your mother-in-law together. I teach parents a technique called mirroring which works beautifully on kids, but here’s a secret - it works equally well on husbands, parents, and in-laws!  For more details you can refer to my book, but try saying something like, “You have raised a family and have more experience than I do. But I am a mother now, and I really need to figure out how to be the best mother I can be, my own way,” which will gently remind her that this is the way you and your husband do things.

If she persists or pushes her point of view, always start with a statement that mirrors back her message, and then follow up with your own message. Try to be neutral but strong - don’t come off as angry or defensive as that will just give her a reason to get upset. Make your point calmly and concisely, and move on.  Feelings might be hurt a little bit for awhile, but you will have set an important boundary.

Remember that, in general, family dynamics can be challenging but keeping your cool and standing your ground will help. The good usually far outweighs the bad, and most grandparents are learning to be grandparents in the same way you are learning to be parents. It can take awhile for everyone to get comfortable with the role and appreciate one another.