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October 1st, 2009 - Reconnecting Sexually
My husband and I are having a really hard time reconnecting sexually after the birth of our baby. She's a year old now and we've both been really tired and so busy with going back to work, taking care of her and our household that we feel we don't have the time and energy for sex. We don't have family in Canada who can watch her for us, so leaving her with someone isn't really an option. I'm a stay at home Mom so we don't even have a babysitter. We also don't have the money to see a professional. What can we do to get the spark going again and rebuild our intimacy? Are there any books or resources out there that can help us? We're desperate for a connection.
First of all let me tell you how normal this is--most couples experience some sort of physical distancing while their children are young and demanding much of their energy and time. Let's face it, being exhausted and falling the asleep the minute you sit down is hardly conducive to a great sex life! The best thing to do is take the pressure off a little. Concentrate on spending time cuddling and kissing without the pressure of going any further than that. Non-sexual touch is healthy and can help bring back the spark especially if you have agreed that for a couple of weeks you will not be having sex.
Make sure you resolve all arguments and have good communication. This is important especially for women to feel close and connected. Be thoughtful to one another. Leave each other notes on the steering wheel of the car or send flirty text messages. Find old cards or love letters you wrote to each other early in the relationship or bring out old photo albums. Play music that was popular when you were dating.
It is very common to become so involved in routine and the rhythm of life that we forget to pay special attention to one another. Try to remember this is temporary, and that once your daughter is a little older and more independent, you will find each other again. In the meantime, make sure to have a date night at home at least once a week. Pull out the candles and a romantic Hollywood movie, have a bath together or go for an evening walk with you daughter asleep in the stroller. It sounds like you both want so much to have that connection to one another. Tap into those memories and feelings that brought you together in the first place.
First of all let me tell you how normal this is--most couples experience some sort of physical distancing while their children are young and demanding much of their energy and time. Let's face it, being exhausted and falling the asleep the minute you sit down is hardly conducive to a great sex life! The best thing to do is take the pressure off a little. Concentrate on spending time cuddling and kissing without the pressure of going any further than that. Non-sexual touch is healthy and can help bring back the spark especially if you have agreed that for a couple of weeks you will not be having sex.
Make sure you resolve all arguments and have good communication. This is important especially for women to feel close and connected. Be thoughtful to one another. Leave each other notes on the steering wheel of the car or send flirty text messages. Find old cards or love letters you wrote to each other early in the relationship or bring out old photo albums. Play music that was popular when you were dating.
It is very common to become so involved in routine and the rhythm of life that we forget to pay special attention to one another. Try to remember this is temporary, and that once your daughter is a little older and more independent, you will find each other again. In the meantime, make sure to have a date night at home at least once a week. Pull out the candles and a romantic Hollywood movie, have a bath together or go for an evening walk with you daughter asleep in the stroller. It sounds like you both want so much to have that connection to one another. Tap into those memories and feelings that brought you together in the first place.
