How do I make 2009 disappear....now? I found out late yesterday that my friend may have just days to live now, not months.

There are times in our lives when we sometimes have to face awful things. I wish it were not the case but it is. I am so sorry about your friend, and the sad and helpless position this puts you in. It is hard for us as the friend because we want to be strong and supportive, but at the same time are afraid ourselves, and feel afraid of our own loss and how we will manage without them in our lives. Losing someone or something you love is very painful. We can experience various emotions much like a roller coaster --feeling sad one minute, smiling and remembering something nice the next, feeling numb, detached or angry.

Sometimes it may feel like this sadness and heaviness will never let up. Sadness is also an emotion that runs deep and connects to other times when we have felt sad in our lives. I think of it as an underground river, you’re not aware of it until you feel sad again then sad memories find each other. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accept them as part of the grieving process and allow yourself to feel what is necessary for healing.

Everyone reacts differently to sadness and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. The most important thing is to let yourself feel what you are feeling. Trying to block, deaden or hide from those feelings will not work, you must feel it and trust that your body knows how to handle it even when you think you can’t. It is only by walking through our pain -- no matter how hard that is -- that we can truly deal with it. You can’t walk over, under or around it, you must walk through it.

That can be very hard to do alone, so you need to lean on friends, family, your faith or your beliefs or a counselor. Bereaved Families of Ontario is also a great resource and can recommend all kinds of supports and resources.

Their website is: http://www.bfotoronto.ca/programs/initial_support.asp.

The most important thing to remember is that time does heal and although it is hard to imagine now, in time you will feel better. I am sorry about your friend; I hope you find the strength to be there for them and that someone is there for you. I hope that 2010 is a much better year filled with good things and happier times.