My son is 17 months old and I am having a real hard time weaning him from breastfeeding. When I am at work he will take sippy cups of water and milk from my husband no problem, but when I am at home he still wants to nurse all day and night. I have tried heavily distracting him by keeping extremely busy during the day, but when he really wants to nurse, he won't stop crying and ripping my shirt off until I feed him. I don't want to wean him quickly over the next few days or weeks, but I would like to be completely done with breastfeeding by the time he is two. Do you have any suggestions for me?
 
There is no easy answer here. He has already learned that if he gets really upset, cries and pulls on your shirt that eventually he will get what he wants. Behavior works that way and every time he is rewarded with the breast he has learned what he has to do to get it. The hard part for us as a mother is watching him cry and work himself up. It is painful for us, so we give in, keeping us in this cycle and getting nowhere. You have to know that this process, unless you wait for him to wean himself naturally over time, will mean some tears for your little one. It is important to have a plan and stick to the plan.  Starting and stopping will draw out the issue and escalate the distress and crying.

If you have decided the time is right, then start slowly.  Rushing the process or stopping abruptly will make things much harder on both of you. Start by cutting back on daytime feedings leaving bedtime for last, it is always the hardest one. Once you have cut the daytime feedings which will mean comforting him but not giving in by giving him the breast no matter how much he cries then, then you can tackle the nighttime feed. You could even leave that one for awhile, many Moms breastfeed once a day for quite a long time.

Continue to offer replacement drinks even though he will not take them from you right now. Why would he when in his mind you’re holding back the good stuff? Give him positives when he comes close to holding or drinking it.

While you are weaning, increase the snuggling to compensate but try walking around so he is distracted and doesn’t confuse this with breastfeeding time.

I wish I could tell you that there is a magic way to deal with this and that he will happily accept this transition, but the only way out is by riding it out, sticking with it and offering him alternative comfort and support. This is also a template for how you deal with future issues as he gets older. Screaming and crying and then being rewarded is not a good cycle for him or you.  It will bring him more unhappiness, because he will spend more time crying to get what he wants.

Good luck.