I've been having some issues with toilet training my three year old son. He seems to know when he has to go and will tell me. Two weeks ago, I decided to throw him a 'potty party' where we initiated wearing big boy underwear. At first he was doing very well with the help of rewards, including high fives and a song, but now that the novelty of the rewards is wearing thin, he isn't as interested anymore. He is currently wearing underwear, but is having many accidents & doesn't seem to be bothered by the wetness at all. He also refuses to go while out in public and I don't know what to do to make it easier on him while we're out in public. Is he just not ready yet? 

Toilet training can take a bit longer with boys. Some boys are older than four when they finally get the hang of it. I know some people recommend making a big deal of big kid underwear, giving prizes and presents, but all this attention and celebration can back fire in a big way. Sometimes it sets kids up for failure if they are not truly ready, and they can become anxious and resistant. It can also cause kids to feel very badly and experience this as a failure, especially because you were so happy.

It sounds to me like he is not ready and the more you make a big deal of it the more you run the risk of it all becoming a bigger problem. Absolute neutrality is the key. Don’t have a parade and don’t get angry or upset. Toilet training is a sensitive issue: the more invested we are in it, the more it can negatively affect our kids. In addition to becoming anxious they quickly learn that this is an issue that really pushes your buttons, creating more problems down the road.

I know this may sound crazy but I recommend going backwards. Tell your son it’s ok if he is not ready for underwear and that he will be ready one day. Reassure him that you love him and no one is upset, then let him go back to pull ups. If he does stay dry for a while or if he does go on the toilet by himself, tell him in a happy but relaxed way that he did a great job and leave it at that. Good luck.