I was wondering how you can help me. I have a 20 month old little girl, and I find she repeats herself when she wants something and gets louder and louder just to be heard. If we don’t act fast enough she will take her cup, her soup, or whatever is in front of her and throw it on the floor. She has many words, and is often understood as well as misunderstood. I am sure she is getting as frustrated as we are, and today I felt she needed to go the "naughty stair" for 1 min. I counted to 10 but do you think she got anything out of it? I really don't know what to do! She is really a very easy child but I feel she is getting frustrated. I don't want to yell at her because I know this does nothing. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.
It’s important to remember that part of your daughter’s frustration comes from the fact that she has many more words in her head than she can actually get out. When she is frustrated, it is even harder to find those words and express them. This is typical for children developing language and means that it is much easier to grab, push or throw things than to say them. This will most likely decrease as her ease with language develops.
In the meantime it is important to deal with these behaviors. Behaviors hang around if they are useful, so somehow the yelling and throwing things is serving some purpose for her. It may be that she’s upset so she want you to be upset too, it may be that at least some of the time it has paid off and she has ended up getting what she wanted. In order to stop certain behaviors you have to be neutral, calm and very consistent. If you are using the naughty stair, ask her afterwards to say things in a nice way. And after you have shown her that you understand she is frustrated, tell her that if she continues to speak to you in that way she will have to sit on the stair for two or three minutes every time.
Do this calmly and do it every time speaks to you in this manner. She should not be shamed and you don’t have to lecture her or have a big talk when going to the stairs or when the sitting time is over. Just go back to business as usual like it never happened. The key is to repeat this over and over again as an interruption, so she learns it actually is worth taking the time to think about her words.
Balance this with lots of cuddles and kisses and you should see this behavior disappear in less than two weeks. Good luck.
